1000 days. One thousand days ago my husband Dan took two of these pills, put earplugs in his ears and went to bed. It was his normal nightly ritual. He wore earplugs because the noise of his CPAP machine kept him awake. Many times he got up in the middle of the night and took more of these pills because he was convinced he hadn’t slept yet. Sometimes he’d go through an entire month’s prescription in a week and blame me for taking his pills. He wouldn’t remember getting up and taking more of them. He got a few more prescriptions over the internet to get more and it never occurred to me that anything could be wrong. I never gave it a second thought. I recently found these while I was sorting out Dan’s things.
But this time he took them was different. This time he acted out a different dream, or rather, a nightmare. This time he shot me twice in the head while I was sleeping, murdered the cat and shot himself. I woke up after it was all over and managed to call 911.
After I was released from intensive care the sheriff asked me why Dan was wearing earplugs when he died. To me it was obvious that Dan was still asleep. I believe he was acting out a dream and he wasn’t even aware of what he did. We had so many plans still, so many more places to see and so many more things to do. This was a complete shock to me. I never saw any of it coming. Suicide was the furthest thing from my mind. We were having fun and loving life.
Today my ears still ring, my head still hurts. Every day the pains and scars remind of the events that transpired 1000 days ago. Each and every day I relive the events of what happened and I feel like I will never be free.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Ambien is no longer advertised on television. lt’s a dangerous drug that causes some people to act out nightmares and bad dreams. I believe that it took away the person that I loved and it left me in pieces.
I have tried to put my life back together as best as I can since this happened, and maybe one day I’ll be able to stop counting days. I hope that 2018 will be the year I can let this go and move on.
I made this post public, anyone is free to share it. I can't bring Dan back but maybe it will save someone.
Edit: Since I made this post public I have received literally hundreds of friend requests. I honestly appreciate all of the support but I just can't accept this many of you as friends. I do read your comments and your PMs and I thank you for your kind words. You give me hope.
To see the full Facebook post, see below:
Thumbnail Picture: Pixabay